Xaldin? Who?
by Reynutocx
Summary: -ONE SHOT- Zexion is self aware. Xaldin wants to know his popularity with the fans.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts**

Zexion wasn't happy when he learned that Lexaeus had died. Not because he like Lexaeus, quite the opposite in fact; it was because that with Lexaeus dead, Zexion would have more chores to do. He hated doing chores, epically after Vexen died because he'd been forced to do his as well. He'd tried to get Lexaeus to do them, but since he was roughly two feet taller and 150 pounds heavier than Zexion, it hadn't worked out.

That's it, Zexion decided. He wasn't going to do all the chores for the entire Organization XIII. It was unfair that he'd done most of them to begin with. It took away from his time reading or writing dark poetry or just emoing in the corner. Zexion wasn't going to stand for it any longer.

"Xaldin!" he said walking into his room without knocking. Zexion never knocked. He preferred to enter silently, like the night. Sometimes he stood behind the person he wanted to talk to for a good five minutes before they noticed he was there. One time, he'd wanted for ten minutes behind Demyx who'd been listening to music on his headphones.

"What do you want?" Xaldin asked annoyed.

"Lexaeus is dead," said Zexion.

Xaldin looked uninterested. "So?"

"So do his chores. I'm not going to."

Xaldin stood up from where he'd been sitting on his bed and walked over to Zexion. He was almost as tall as Lexaeus and Zexion was sure that his hair added at least another two inches. Why did Zexion have to be so much shorter than everyone else in the Organization? It wasn't fair.

"Zexion, I'm going to pull rank on you," he said. "I'm far too important to be doing any chores."

Zexion scoffed. "You're not important. Half the fans don't even know who you are."

Xaldin looked confused. "Fans of what?"

"Kingdom Hearts. We're a video game."

"How do you know that?" Xaldin asked still seeming unconvinced. "We seem real."

Zexion sighed. "I'm emo, Xaldin. That means that I'm more sensitive than most and see what's really going on in the world. Face it; we're in a video game. Now do the chores."

Xaldin shook his head. "If we are in a video game and have fans, who has the most? You?"

Zexion smiled. What a cute thought. "Not even close," he said. "Axel wins by a landslide."

"Axel? But the guy's annoying! He's always running off to go hang out with Roxas and besides, he's a traitor to the Organization."

"Fan's love antiheroes," Zexion said. "Besides, he dies protecting Sora which gives him even more endearing qualities."

Xaldin didn't look happy. "Who's the next most popular in the Organization, then?" he asked.

Zexion sighed again. This wasn't what he came to talk about. "If you're looking for your name, don't bother. You don't even make the top 50 characters. Like I said, not even half the fans know you exist. You're only in the game for about five minutes. Coincidentally, that was only about how long Demyx was in the game…" he trailed off.

"Just tell me," Xaldin said huffily.

"Fine, Demyx and I fight it out for the number two spot. He was always popular, but then some British cosplay group got him promoted big time. They made skits about his life. I think he's officially number two now."

Xaldin looked interested. "Was I in the skits?" he asked hopefully.

"I think you made a salad and died in one of Demyx's dreams," Zexion said. "Oh, and you hung out in a bathtub once."

Xaldin looked horrified. "That's doesn't sound like me at all!"

"It was actually pretty funny in context."

"You're just saying it because you like them."

"Quite the contrary," Zexion countered. "I didn't like the way they portrayed me. They made me read _Twilight_."

"You do read _Twilight_ though."

"No one's meant to know that though!"

"You're always carrying it around. I think everyone knows by now."

Zexion didn't say anything. So what if he liked _Twilight_? He was allowed to like any book he wanted to.

"You're not going to like the ending," Xaldin said. Seeing the questioning look on Zexion's face he added "I read ahead one day when you left it out."

"Don't tell me!" Zexion said quickly. He hated spoilers.

"You've been reading it for three months now! Why aren't you done yet?"

"I only read one word a day."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to finish it too fast."

"Then why do you carry it with you everywhere?"

"So I can soak in the meaning of that one word."

"Why?"

"Don't question me!" Zexion snapped. He didn't make fun of Xaldin's weird hair cut or the fact that he felt like he needed so many lances to kill one person. He should do the same for him. "So are you going to do the chores?" he asked.

"I already said no," Xaldin answered.

"But I've shown how insignificant you are in the main plot line."

"I don't care; I'm still higher than you."

"But I'm stuck doing three people's chores. That's not fair."

"Neither is the fact I don't get more screen time. Live with it."

"Whatever. I'm not doing them. I'm going to die in a few hours anyway," said Zexion. He turned to go.

"Wait!" Xaldin called after him.

Zexion turned. "What?" he asked.

"Before you go off and die, making it impossible to ever know, what does the fandom think of Marluxia?"

A smile crept across Zexion's face. "20% of them think he's a girl, and the other 80% just make fun of him. Did you know he was originally designed as a girl and genderbent at the last minute? The fandom kind of regards him as a joke even though he tried to take over. That what he gets for being flowerily and having pink hair. He might have gotten away with the pink hair if he didn't have a matching scythe and go around sprinkling rose petals everywhere he went. So they all just kind of laugh at him."

Xaldin laughed. "Our fandom's alright then."

Zexion smiled. "Yeah, they're ok."


End file.
